Covid Satire

What it's like to be a student in an pandemic

Sofia Hulne '22

News Editor

Living through a pandemic has been especially treacherous.

Everyday I wake up at 6 a.m. to give myself plenty of time to prepare for my day. I start off with the sterilization process. This includes showering a total of three times, moisturizing with lysol, putting on three N95 masks, and finally stepping into my hazmat suit. I pack my bag with extra hand sanitizer, bacterial wipes, spare covid tests and disinfectant spray to protect myself from infected individuals.

After I pack my bag, I head outside. I frantically sprint to the car and unlock it fast because the air is so polluted with the toxins of COVID-19. When driving to school with the windows closed shut and the air conditioning blasting.

In the passenger seat of the car, I have to fill out a series of questions for the "COVID interrogation”, aka health screening. Then, we finally arrive at Louisville High School and enter through the blue gates. I was greeted by Sammy, the seemingly innocent guard.

He salutes me by pointing a “temperature gun” at my forehead. I begin to drip sweat, panicking to hear my results. He begins to speak and says, “you’re at 98.8.” He then pauses, raises an eyebrow, and says, “a little too close,” but allows me to proceed.

My body is finally able to relax and my heart beat decreases into a normal rhythm. We park the vehicle and I gather myself before preparing to step out of the sterilized automobile. Instantly, I am bombarded by three anti-maskers.

I start exhibiting the signs and symptoms of shock. After a short while, I finally regain consciousness and walk to my first period. Before I set my books on the bacteria filled desk, I sanitize it with one full bottle of Bath and Body Works Warm Vanilla Sugar hand sanitizer.

As I work diligently on my studies someone knocks on the door. A bead of sweat drips down my forehead. Out of the corner of my eye I see Mr. Wilson enter the classroom and he points to me and asks if I can come with him.

My anxiety is through the roof. I slowly walk over to exit the classroom where I await my fate. He tells me I have come in close contact with an individual with the DEADLY COVID-19 virus. My face turns pale white. I walk over to the covid incubation chambers and I ponder my future. I enter the chamber. Mr. Wilson presses the eject button. He shoots me into outer space where my deadly virus won’t be able to infect any of my fellow student peers.