Louisville O Louisville… thou art the best English department in the land! Louisville English classes and the books we read are an essential part of the Louisville student experience. Crying over Rudy from “The Book Thief,” fawning over Mr. Darcy and defending Daisy Buchanan with my life have been essential to the development of my personality. I’ve had favorite love interests who make me write endless hearts and “awes” in the margins, and I’ve had least favorites who make me dread reading homework. So, now that I’ve read all the books in the curriculum, I’ve taken it upon myself to rank some of the most memorable love interests. (Spoiler warning in advance)

Not-so honorable mentions: Tea Cake (“Their Eyes Were Watching God”), Othello (“Othello”)

8. Heathcliff (“Wuthering Heights”)

Contrary to popular belief, Heathcliff is not the swoon-worthy, yearning, Jacob Elordi lover-boy type. He does not crawl through Catherine’s window beautifully glistening with rain drops. Instead, he wreaks havoc on everyone he meets because he is unable to get over anything, ever. Not to mention, KIDNAPS the love of his life’s daughter??? No thanks. Movie-watchers, stop saying “Your Heathcliff will come.” That is a threat.

7. Newland Archer (“The Age of Innocence”)

Why wouldn’t I want to date the most indecisive person in the literary world?! Wow Newland, you truly have a talent for emotional torture and an inability to make up your mind. It’s impressive. As someone who can’t even decide what I want for dinner, being with Newland sounds like my living nightmare.

6. Dimmesdale (“The Scarlet Letter”)

He’s better than most, that’s for sure… I feel indifferent towards him. Not much love, but he’s not important enough for me to hate. He’s kind of dramatic which I’m not very fond of, but he’s a victim of societal pressures so I’ll be lenient. 

5. Lady Macbeth (“Macbeth”)

I have a fondness for women who have been accused of wrongdoings by the patriarchy when they were simply doing what they’ve been taught. You either love her or you hate her, and honestly I love her. She did what she did because she cares!!! In a sense, it’d be nice to have someone to love you that much… right?  

4. Daisy Buchanan (“The Great Gatsby”)

Hello Daisy-haters, I know you’re rolling your eyes and wondering why she’s so high up. To that I say: do not hate on fellow victims of the patriarchy. She’s a product of her society! Would I want to marry her? Probably not, but I’m also not Tom so I really don’t see the problem. Daisy is the romantic interest of all interests, you gotta love her! (Cue “Everybody Here Wants You” by Jeff Buckley.) 

3. Julia (“1984’)

You gotta support a woman doing her part to bring down a corrupt government. I love it. That’s all I have to say. Yay feminism and women’s autonomy! 

2. David Petrakis (“Speak”)

David Petrakis My Lab Partner! What a little cutie-pie. Although he isn’t a major character, I think it’s very impressive that a fourteen-year-old boy is able to pay such genuine attention to Melinda. He can do no wrong in my eyes, all he wants to do is be supportive!

1. Mr. Darcy (“Pride & Prejudice”)

Duh. Who else would it be? A major Louisville fan-favorite! I love Mr. Darcy with every fiber of my being, mostly because I see myself in him. I am also obsessed with Elizabeth. He’s so relatable, like yes I would also be unable to interact normally with Elizabeth Bennet because she’s the coolest. Me too king, me too. Obviously he’s number one, because truly, what could be better than a dramatic love confession from Mr. Darcy? Although, I will hold him accountable for being very rude in the first half of the book. But hey, we all have our flaws.